EuroEnglish

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 percent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languaj is disgrasful, and omiting them wil caus litl troubl.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z", "ch" by "c", and "w" by "v". Zus, "Winston Churchill" will be written as "Vinston Curcil".

During ze fifz yer, the unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to dipzongs or komonly fond kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten stil. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difkultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ec ozer muc betr. Ze drem vil finali kum tru!